Never Knowing
by Hermione Baudelaire
Summary: DracoGinny songfic to Fefe Dobson. At the Yule Ball, Ginny's finding it hard to contain her secrets...


**This songfic has been sitting in my head since I got the Fefe Dobson CD. The song, by the way, is track number seven, _Kiss Me Fool_. I've never written Draco/Ginny before, but I have done Draco/Hermione.**

**Tom Felton is SOOOO hot! Anyway. I'm starting to sound all rabid and fangirl-esque. So, when I sound like that...time to get to the fic:**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

            I sat on my bed, not exactly feeling left out as other girls who had been lucky enough to get asked prepared to go the Yule Ball. No, left out isn't the right word.

            Just...seeing them put on make up and brush their hair made me feel like I was above that. They were so silly, giggling and talking about getting to one of the bases, and all I could think was _they don't know anything about love_. I mean, when you really care about somebody, it's not about songs and making out. It just...hurts. You feel it all the time. 

            It was giving me a throbbing headache as I rested my chin on my knees in the dormitory that afternoon. "Hey," somebody finally noticed me, "Ginny, aren't you going? Like, shouldn't you get dressed? There's only fifteen minutes." 

            I reluctantly tore a brush through my hair and pulled it back. I realized with a sinking feeling that my dress robes were the wrong size, too loose or too tight in all the wrong places. I had no idea where my mother had found it, for one thing, and it was a shade of extremely pale purple. Pale purple is a lovely color on its own, but when somebody who's naturally pale—like me, for example—and who is a little pale because she's nervous, and a little more pale because all she can concentrate on is the terrible ache in her heart...well, then pale purple is terrible. 

            I shakily put on a coat of lipgloss. Another girl, one who hadn't been asked, looked at me disgustedly. "If _I_ got asked to the Yule Ball, me personally, I'd put _a lot_ of effort into my appearance. After all, it's not every day somebody who's fourteen gets to go to a school dance, especially _here_." _Here_ being Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. (A/N: Is it school or academy? I always forget...)

            "So transfer to some muggle high school then," I said airily, focusing on putting in an earring. My parents didn't let me wear hoops. My parents, however, weren't here.

            "Honestly, Ginny, sometimes you are just _too much_," somebody groaned as she sprayed on a pretty potent perfume.

            I decided to take my earrings out. My brothers could get pretty controlling, anyway. Couldn't trust them to not tell our parents. Maybe I could wear studs instead. Were they in my suitcase?...

            I blinked. Everybody was staring at me. The girl who had insulted me first rolled her eyes. "Did you even hear me?" she said loudly, snapping her gum. "I asked who you were going with."

            "Neville Longbottom." He'd asked me. I couldn't really say _No, I like somebody else_, could I?

            "You get  what you deserve," said the second insulting girl primly, puffing out another galloon of perfume. They all giggled. 

            I slid on dress shoes that pinched my feet. So Neville had a tendency to be a goober. I sort of wanted to tell them who I _really_ liked, to see their shocked reactions. 

            With as much dignity as somebody being laughed at can muster, I stalked out of the dormitory. 

            I hoped I didn't see _him_, the boy who I really did like, at the dance, although I knew I would. If only we were different people, then we could have been together...

            Nobody suspected us, we were pretty sure. I mean, I was just Ginny Weasley.

            And he was Draco Malfoy.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Tell me whom should I be to make you love me**

**Tell me what does it mean to be alone**

**Can't you see me standing **

**Staring out from a distance**

**Hear my cry if you'd only listen**

**Out of focus into me and you**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

            "Hi, Gunny!" Neville looked pleased to see me. "Let's go dancing, then."

            I forced a grin. "Of course. Dancing. Fun, fun, fun!"

            Neville looked at me sideways. "You okay, Ginny?"

            I smiled. "Fine, fine. Let's go dance now." I kissed his cheek and he blushed. "I'm just too eager to dance with you..."

            Neville grabbed my hand. His hand was all sweaty and sort of limp. I couldn't help thinking of how when Draco held my hand, it was always firmly. Same with his kisses and—

            _No, Ginny_ I ordered myself. _You can't dwell on _him_ now_...

            The Great Hall was pretty packed. So it wasn't until the third song, Neville stepping on my toes, that I craned my neck over Neville' should and saw Draco dancing with Millicent Bulstrode. He looked happy, to anybody who didn't know him very well, but I could tell he was miserable.

            "'Scuse me, Neville," I said, worming away. "I've got to go to the bathroom straightaway." He looked at me curiously. "Female problems," I said in a low voice. Neville blushed and looked down.

            I caught Draco's eye and nodded slightly. He gave me a ghost of a smile that still made me shiver, across the room. I started weaving away towards the drinks table, and he followed suit. 

            I poured myself a cup of diet soda, aware that he was standing behind me. "Could have told me you'd be here," I breathed, trying not to make it look as though we were talking. I stepped aside and he grabbed a can of soda. 

            "I could say the same thing to you," he hissed, opening it. 

            "Well," I whispered, annoyed, "you could at least apologize."

            "For what?"

            "For coming here and not telling me."  
            He sighed. "I have a reputation to uphold, I can't just skip the most important night of the school year and expect nobody to notice."

            I started making my way through the people, feeling his eyes on me as he followed me at a distance. Once we'd made it to the edge of the crowd, I turned to him and whispered "Nobody's noticed so far."

            He walked out into the hallway and I followed him. "So far, we've kept it hidden. We should keep on doing that."

            I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from saying something. The pain shocked me enough to keep quiet.

            He turned to look me in the eye. "Oh, don't get upset. I was just saying...well, we can't just have people know about _us_. can we? We'd get in terrible trouble, and..."

            I couldn't help but let a few tears dribble out. He wiped them off with his hand. "I just...I'm tired of holding it in..." I gasped, trying to catch my breath.

            He started dragging me into a sideways hallway, one you couldn't see from any other angles. "Me too," he whispered back, "but there's no alternative."

            He was right.

            Wasn't he?

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Kiss me fool**

**If you care**

**If your words have any meaning**

**Playing it cool is so unfair**

**Why this veil of secrecy?**

**God forbid your friends found out what we did**

**Why can't someone like you be with someone like me?**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

            We kept sliding down narrow hallways and hurrying down flights of stairs, not really sure where we were going, but walking with a purpose. Finally, he stopped and turned to me. "I think we're safe enough, for now at least," I said, smiling widely at him. 

            We were in an empty classroom. I think it was the room used for some study group or something, since the blackboards were covered with complicated Latin. Just looking at them made my head hurt. I sat down on a desk and sighed, reaching up to twirl my ponytail. "We can't just bag the whole dance, you know." He reached for my hand. "Not the whole dance, Ginny."

            He sat down next to me. "Why not?" I asked, letting go of my ponytail to hold his other hand. 

            His face was very close. It made me tremble. I took a deep breath. "You just told Longbottom you had to use the bathroom. He might wonder."

            I leaned against him. "I'll tell him I got a headache or something. Or cramps."

            He wrapped an arm around me. "We can't, not tonight. All of this meeting up after hours in secret and running off during lunch to spend time together...people might suspect things."

            I looked up into his face. "What's wrong with them suspecting? They'll have to find out sometime."

            "Sometime? Try after I'm eighteen and my parents have no control over me."

            I groaned. "Can't we just tell them? What's wrong with people knowing?" He stiffened, but I couldn't stop. "Is it that you don't want any of your stupid _Slytherin_ friends to know you've been seeing a _Weasley _behind their back?" He was so tense I was uncomfortable resting my head on his shoulder, so I slid off the desk and walked up to face him. "Or is it that you don't like me? Are you just using me or something?"

            Draco was angry now. He slid off the desk, too, so we were facing one another. "What's wrong with not wanting everybody to hat e me for going against them? _I_ know you're not bad, but they don't! My parents would probably disown me if they even found out I kissed you!"

            I covered my face with my hands.  He reached up to pull them away, but I dodged him. I could feel more tears welling up behind my eyes and I firmly fought them down.

            "Who do I have to be for you to love me?" I cried dramatically, taking a noisy, hiccupping gulp of air. "When'll you just accept me for who I am?!"

            "That's the _point_!" he yelled, slapping the desk angrily. "I can accept you fine, but _they_ can't!"

            I turned around and drew my hands away to look him in the eye. "Why does what they think matter so much?" I asked softly. "Does it make a difference?"

            He reached up to rub his forehead (A/N: For some reason, people always rub their forehead in my fics. Not the best idea, as it makes you break out if your hands aren't clean...) in frustration. "They're my _friends_!"

            I shook my head bitterly. "With friend like them, who need enemies?" it was clichéd, I knew it, but it was fitting nonetheless. 

            He glared at me. "I have to get back to the dance now. My partner will be wondering where I am..."

            He stormed off. I counted to twenty under my breath, waiting for him to get a head start. It would arouse suspicion if  we walked in together, and as much as I wanted attention, I knew we couldn't' do that. 

            Besides, neither of us felt up to a walk with t he other at the present. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Touch me fool if you're allowed**

**I'll be dancing the in the corner**

**It's so cruel to play it proud**

**Take your hands and cover me**

**I'm aware**

**That all in love is fair**

**But that's no reason to make me feel this way**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

            I slipped into the throng of awkwardly dancing people unnoticed. I made my way back to Neville.

            "Have you been crying?" he asked, sounding concerned.

            I sniffed. "Hay fever."

            "Ah. Do you want to dance?"

            _No. I would rather dance with the guy I like instead of you_. I smiled. "Sure."

            He cleared his throat as we started swaying to the music. "Um, Ginny, I just wanted to say thanks. For dancing with me. And going."

            I smiled, but my mind was on another boy. "Thanks for asking me to go with you."

            Neville's face loomed closer. _Oh my god!_ I realized, _he's going to kiss me!_ How could I prevent this? Right. My so called-hay fever. I leaned over and let out an extremely false, hacking cough. Neville reared back, looking disappointed. "Sorry," I said softly. 

            He shrugged. "I think I'm going to get something to eat."

            I nodded. "Good idea." Suddenly, I winced. "Oh, Neville, I think I have a headache."

            He looked dismayed. "Oh, Okay. Maybe you should rest." I touched my head lightly. 

            "Maybe it would be best," I said faintly. Feeling more than a touch guilty I wove away to where I hoped I would see the boy I'd been thinking about the whole time. I bumped right into him. Literally.

            "Hey," he whispered, "I was looking for you. I was an a--. Sorry."

            I smiled, but lightly, so nobody could see except him. "You're never an a--. It was my fault." I sighed. "But," I breathed very quietly, "I told Neville I have a headache."

            He smiled, as secretively as I had before. "I told Pansy I had an upset stomach."

            I slipped my hand through his. 

            So what if old-fashioned Hogwarts wasn't ready for a couple like _us_. (A/N: Is it just me, or did that sound really slashY?) We were together. 

            It wasn't a satisfying relationship.

            But at least it was one.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**And it hurts me so bad to deny it**

**And these feelings are out of control**

**Do you know what it's like to what something so bad**

**And then having to let go?**

**And it hurts me to know**

**That this time in our lives**

**So soon will be in the past**

**And we spent it pretending and playing it cool**

**Never knowing (never knowing) never knowing **

**What (what)**

**We could have had**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**Review!**


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